Tag Archives: personal

Friends… if you can call them that

It’s weird… I used to think I was the problem, and let me tell you this now, that’s not a good feeling, no matter the situation no matter who you are, no one likes to feel like they’re the problem.

I’ll be the first to hold my hands up and say that in the past I’ve not always been the best friend, but I’ve always tried to keep the connections alive. I get that sometimes it’s hard to do so when people have their own lives and their own jobs to focus on. But it makes it even more difficult when the talking and the effort is one sided. It gets to a point where it’s not even worth it any more, and that’s just sad.

I used to feel bad about myself, because I always thought it was my fault, that they just didn’t want to talk to me. But I learned through mutual friends that that wasn’t always the case, because they to had been shown the cold shoulder, and it’s hard not to get angry about it. Especially when you see them posting on social media day in and day out, and it’s because of that that I’m writing this today.

I’m writing this for all those other people who always feel isolated amongst a group, or those who just feel like they’re not enough.

People always talk about the traits of toxic relationships, what to look out for and how to tell if you’re in one… but what about toxic friendships, why are they always overlooked?

Here are a few things to look out for that I’ve picked up on a long the way:
– Accepting invites but never showing
– Leaving messages unread
– Being left on read
– Always making excuses as to why they’ve been “out of touch”
– Saying let’s meet up and never following through
– Acting like none of that happened the next time you see each other in public.

If you recognise these traits in others my advice is to let them go.
If you recognise these traits in yourself then congratulations, you’ve realised you’re the problem… now what are you going to do about that?

Christmas Time…

Mistletoe and wine… and gin and chocolate and tinsel.

Ever since I can remember Christmas has always been my favourite holiday. I’ve always associated with happy memories, with magic and with family.

Every family has Christmas traditions and mine was no different. We would wake early after a restless nights sleep waiting to here the jingle bells and the footsteps on the roof, but we didn’t care if we were tired. My brothers and I would rush downstairs and gather in the living room – fire on, and mum waiting with a smile on her face. We’d settle down and start opening the presents piling the wrapping paper into the middle of the room for a quick clean up later.

As the morning went on we’d binge on Quality Streets or Celebrations – knowing the exact limits so that we wouldn’t spoiling our dinner appetite. While we were opening boxes and watching Christmas Movies on TV there’d be the smell of Turkey filling the house, the steam of the kitchen forcing condensation over the windows trapping us in our own magical day.

After a Christmas dinner that I swear got better every year, we’d all get dressed in clothes that were wrapped up only hours later. We’d then all wrap up warm and start the 5 minute walk to my Nanna’s house where all of our extended family would be waiting.

There we’d exchange cards and hugs, and enjoy each others company in to the night.

It might sound romanticised, and in part it might just be, but it’s how I remember it, it’s how I choose to remember it, and I’ll remember it as some of the happiest years of my life. Forever.

These days, some 15-20 years later it’s still the time I look forward to, seeing the Coca-cola Christmas advert on TV for the first time signals to me that it’s time to start getting festive. I chose to put my decorations up at the earliest opportunity – my record is November 22nd. There’s something about the colourful lights, the tinsel and the atmosphere that brings me joy and happiness.

With so many things different now, my traditions have changed, they’ve evolved. Now, a week or so before Christmas my partner and I have a Christmas jumper party with our friends, then the next day we have our own Christmas Day complete with presents, Buck’s Fizz and Christmas dinner. Its something I look forward to all year, it’s a time we can lock ourselves and in our house and just be with each other and that’s one of my favourite places to be.

When it comes down to Christmas week, now that I’ve moved away from home I try my very best to get home to my mums a few days before, so we can have our annual shopping trip, and an adventure to see Fenwick’s Window. From there the traditions revert back to those of childhood, even as an adult I still find the magic in waking up early and spending that quality time with my family. Although, now I’m not waiting for Santa Clause, I’m waiting for the turkey.

To round off what is usually a day to remember we gather around the TV together, with leftover sandwiches and we watch Mrs Browns Boys in the living room, drawing comfort from the glow of the Christmas Tree lights.

Goodbye 2019

We’re fast approaching the end of another year, another one that’s gone by faster than time should, another one that’s escaped through the fingertips of the universe. This time, it’s not just the year that’s over, it’s the decade.

I always try to be an optimist, I try to believe that everything happens for a reason and that every decision I make is the right one, and whether it’s now or further down the line the result of those decisions will be made clear to me.

At the start of every year, I try to give myself a list of things I want to do or accomplish and this year was no different. While I completed a few, the big ones aren’t quite there yet and I’m not about to lie and say that I’ve achieved everything I set out to do. Year after year I tell myself that by this time the year after I’ll be in a better place mentally and physically… don’t get me wrong my year was far from tragic and I’ve had a load of new experiences and I have accomplished some personal victories. But there is still a list as long as my arm of things I haven’t checked off my list, things that I mark down as personal failures.

I always find time around this time of year to reflect, and this time it’s more of a public reflection.

So my question for anyone reading this, is have you accomplished everything you set out to do?

Take a moment and reflect.