All posts by Llamasymphony

I like to write, read, take photos, draw, watch TV, go on adventures, travel, lie in bed all day, eat new things, laugh with my friends, love my boyfriend, visit my family, play on my PS4, drive, make cocktails, buy things, get excited over little things and get tattoos.

Beat Saber – VR

“It’s right up there with the best of the best.”

★★★★★

I hope that if you have a Playstation VR that you’ve already played Beat Saber at least once, if not then we need to have a serious conversation.

Even if you haven’t, no doubt over the years you’ve dabbled in things like Guitar Hero, Rock Band, Dance Dance Revolution, even Fruit Ninja. This my friends is next level! Of course, if you like Star Wars there’s the added advantage of sabers.

I didn’t discover Beat Saber on my own, leading up to Christmas 2018 I’d seen a few advertisements for it on the Playstation Facebook page, but I never clicked on it. Then when I went to visit my family for the holidays my brother enlightened me… and the rest as they say is history.

Now, I’m not nearly as good on it as he is, but I do alright… I’ve progressed from easy to medium to hard mode – and I will conquer expert one of these days, and then the dreaded new ‘expert +’, but that’s a problem for another day.

Seeing him play it even without being inside of the VR at the time made me want more. Then when I first went into the game I was ready, motion controllers in hand, headphones in (I’d strongly recommend using headphones for the full immersive experience) I picked a song at the recommendation of my brother and off I went, cutting blocks left and right, moving from side to side, ducking and flailing around.

It is amazing, the interaction and impressiveness is incredible it’s right up there with the best of the best, it’s one of the best PSVR games out there at the moment.

Also, I’ll tell you this now, the game is a workout, as I’m writing this my arm muscles are feeling the 2 hours I’ve just spent playing on it and I’ve almost tripled my workout goal on my Apple Watch. It was all worth it, because I achieved something that I set out to do today, finish Angel Voices on 100% on hard mode.

Check that out on my YouTube channel or watch it below

Online Branding

When I started this website, I wanted to share my experiences and I wanted to start to build myself up as an online brand, and while my posts don’t currently reach a lot of people I’m happy with the way it’s going so far, these things take time.

Along with this website I have my photography Instagram called Reedtography, which is an extension of my main brand, Llama Symphony. Then I have a Facebook and YouTube, neither currently has any content (my YouTube is my old page, and I’m unable to change the URL at the moment), any likes and subscribers are highly appreciated.

I am slowly moving forward with ideas for the content, and in the meantime I’m going to continue posting here and on my Instagram.

For now, we’ll see how it goes!

Pushing Them Away

It occurred to me a few days ago that I’ve driven away most of my friends and I can tell you now, that’s not a good feeling.

Over the years, I’ve had a lot of friends, from school to high school, from college and university to different jobs. I can tell you now that I am only friends with one of the people I knew in primary/junior school. From high school, I’m friends with about 3 people still and even then we don’t talk as much as we used to.

When I went to college I met a whole loaf of new people and while I’m friends with some of them still we don’t talk or see each other as much as we used to. Then when I moved away to university I met so many amazing people, the kind of people that you just know you’ll know for the rest of your lives… and I messed up.

I entered what would be the darkest time of my life, I took so much for granted and took a lot of wrong turns, a lot of which I regret now. I pushed everyone away, I entered my own bubble and now there’s only me.

The people I thought would be my friends through life now do everything without me. They all stayed connected from different parts of the country, they all enjoy things together. I know it’s not their fault and I’m trying to reconnect, I’m trying to improve my friendships and I’m trying to fix it.

I’m trying to better myself.

My Experience With Time

Time heals all wounds

It’ll get better

All you need is time.

Those are phrases I’ve used in conversations to friends that have been hurting. Those are phrases I’ve said out loud to people, but what if I don’t believe them. What does that make me?

I’ve always tried to be a person of comfort, I’ve always prided myself in being a good friend, maybe I’ll go a while without talking but nevertheless my friends know I’m there for them, through it all.

Yet, when I tell people it’s all going to be okay, I’m a liar. I’m a liar because I don’t think time does heal all wounds. I think that those wounds will always be vulnerable and fragile, and that they’ll open at a moments notice.

One thought, one song or a phone call and everything I know could come crumbling down. There’s absolutely nothing I can do to control it, it’s all part of human nature and coupling those realities with severe anxiety results in my constant stream of depression and panic attacks.

I’ve been wanting to write about this for a little while, but I could never find the right way to phrase it, and today after a brief cry I finally figured it out. I had to just do it.

When I was fourteen I lost someone, I lost my best friend, I lost a part of me, I lost all hope when my Nanna died. Still to this very day, 11 years on, I cry, I cry like it happened yesterday, I cry like I was at her funeral only this morning. Every single time, and I mean every single time I hear the song that was played at her funeral I break, something inside of me snaps and there’s nothing I can do to stop it. Every version of the song, no matter who sings it, those lyrics will be burned into my memories forever. I remember the exact lyric the exact moment in the song that they closed that curtain and she was gone forever. I remember everything I felt that day, I remember waking up with such fear and such dread that I couldn’t move. I remember sitting in the crematorium with my dad to my left and my cousin to the right. I remember seeing the look on my mums face, I remember the atmosphere and I remember feeling empty. It hurts me so much and to this very day I can not forget it… and I don’t ever expect to, it’s something I have to live with.

When I was sixteen I got my first boyfriend, and I’d like to say he was sweet and thoughtful but he wasn’t, I just didn’t know any better. He was my worst enemy. My life for those 11 months was a constant stream of endless nightmares. It was because of him that I drove away all of my friends, it was because of him that I almost lost my family. It’s because of him I have nightmares still, almost 10 years later. He threatened me, he hurt me and left me with emotional scars. I remember the feeling of his hand around my throat, I remember the panic of the moment I grabbed my shoes and ran for my life out of the fear that he was following me. My feet pounding on the ground in the rain trying to get away. I remember exactly where I was and what day it was when I told him it was over and he told me he was going to come to my place of work, jump over the counter and slit my throat. That night I had to call my mum to pick me up from work, because I couldn’t leave there alone. Even now, I’m scared, I’m scared that he’ll find me, that one day it won’t just be a nightmare anymore.

Life is full of hard times, and I’m by no means saying that my experiences are worse than someone else’s. Everyone copes differently, everyone deals with things in their own way and I… I don’t know how to deal with death, I don’t know how to deal with pain and hurt in this capacity.

As an atheist I don’t believe in a god, I don’t believe in heaven or in hell, but I am afraid of death. I am terrified that one day it’s going to be over for me, this thought overwhelms me to the point where I can not breath, where I am afraid to be inside of my own head. I need to believe there is something other than nothing at the end, but I can’t.

In the end, it’s mother nature’s twisted tale that tell us all when it’s over, when it’s time.

Matched – Ally Condie

Matched (Matched, #1)

★★★★

Matched by Ally Condie

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I’ve owned this book for a long time, It’s always been sitting on the shelf in every house I’ve lived in. It was only recently that I decided to pick it up an read it again, there were a few reasons behind this, one was that I wasn’t sure I’d actually finished the first time around and two, that I remembered that I enjoyed it, I remember wanting to finish it and read on in the series, but for some reason or another I never did.

I very much enjoyed the premise of the story, I love dystopian fiction – I always have – which is why I was drawn to this, but it lacks an explanation. It needed more about how we got here, how the world ended up the way it did, with that I think it would have improved greatly.

Overall, I like the story, the way Cassia develops to break from what is expected of her, I love the chemistry between Cassia and Ky, and I enjoyed trying to picture what the world looked like for them. But I think the flow of the story and writing could have been improved, some of it did not feel natural which is a shame.

I am, however, still hopeful for the second and third books.



View all my reviews

You – Netflix

“It would take a second or two for me to remember, hey… he murdered your boyfriend. “

May contain spoilers

★★★★★

When browsing Netflix I always pass things that I tell myself, I’ll watch it later, and this was one them. And I’ll tell you now, I wish I’d watched it sooner, even just sooner that day – so that I could have fit more episodes in before I went to bed.

It starts as you’d expect, boy meets girl, and if you watched the trailer you’d know – before episode one started – that it would take a turn for the dark… and it did, quickly with the first few words, “Oh, hello you”. It’s eye opening to see how quickly someone can find out everything about you from a few clicks on their phone, from a few looks on a few profiles. It makes you wonder why more people don’t take advantage of the privacy settings offered by social media sites.

From the very first episode you’re captivated in the mind of Joe Goldberg with his narrative looming over, justifying the things he’s doing. He’s always there, watching over you. The basement of Mooney’s revealed it’s own dark secrets over time, from Joe’s teenage years to Benji, to Claudia and finally to Beck, it’s a glimpse into the reasons he is the way his is. An eye opening look into the history inside the glass cage, and who has been held captive there before.

I found myself in a whirlwind of emotions as I watched the relationship between Joe and Beck unwind. I’d catch myself smiling at the sweet things he’d do for her, doting on her every move. It would take a second or two for me to remember, hey… he murdered your boyfriend, burned his body and kept his teeth, he stood outside of your window and made nice with himself while watching you do the same, he attacked your best friend and then he murdered your best friend. It played with the fine line between love and obsession – a line that it played with a lot in the society of knowing or needing to know your partners passwords, needing to know where they are at all times and needing to know who they’re talking to. I don’t understand it, I’ve never understood it – and to quote the show, “If we don’t have trust, we have nothing.”

Overall, I would highly recommend giving it a watch, if you’re anything like me you’ll find yourself in the same boat, after watching all 10 episodes within 24 hours, I find myself needing Season 2, needing to know what is to follow the reveal of Candice at the of the final episode, walking into Mooney’s being greeted by the same eerie line with Joe’s narrative…

“Oh, hello you.”

01/01/2019

“This year will be ‘our’ year.”

There’s always a lot of things up in the air around this time of year, whether you have a quiet gathering, go out and party all night… and even if you don’t celebrate at all. The lingering thought of New Year is always on peoples minds, it’s the time that we want to commit to change, the time that we convince ourselves that we will change and this year will be ‘our’ year.

It’s always the same ones for me usually: get fit and slim down – but year after year, I cave. I don’t know what it is, there’s just very limited willpower inside of me and for some reason it seems to run out at the start of January. BUT, I’ve started out good so far – I had a salad for lunch and I’ve invested in a slow cooker.

If you’ve had a look around my website you may have noticed the Instagram feed, that’s my photography account, I started it in 2017 and have just been steadily uploading photos. I also started a Facebook page to go with it and this year I want to start selling prints on my Etsy store.

This year I also want to get started on one thing I’ve always wanted to do, write a book. I dabbled with it in 2010/2011, I even entered a writing competition for amateur novelists but it never went further than that. I did continue writing and I ended up with a solid half a book written and edited, but the idea quickly became too unrealistic and bordered on being just a representation of one of my school girl crushes. But now, stemming off from that very idea (with a darker, more thought out twist), I’ve layered out the majority of a novel, with the main plot points outlined. All I can give you at the moment is the title: Obsessed.

So to summarise, I’ve given myself a few goals for this year:

  • Finish my driving lessons (I know I can do this one, I’m almost finished now).
  • Continue building my photography portfolio.
  • Set up my Etsy shop with more items.
  • Get on with writing my novel
  • Be comfortable with myself.